Here We Go Again!

Hi there, guys and gals! It's been a minute, hasn't it?

I am here today for one real reason; to take control of my lifestyle, take responsibility for the past few months and to get myself back on track. My last post, back in December 2014, was fairly optimistic; I'd gained some weight but was in the mood to turn it back around. Unfortunately, it turns out I was entirely kidding myself. I said I was motivated and ready and I really, really wasn't. This was really due to combo of many things, from legitimate reasons (work stresses causing exhaustion and anxiety) to big old excuses ("Oh, it's Such-And-Such's birthday on Saturday so I may as well start being healthy on Monday!") etc, but I now am really, truly at a point of wanting to
change. Over the past 12 months, I've gained almost 52lbs. That's a ridiculous number and to be honest I was so shocked when I weighed myself last Friday and saw 103.3kg (226.3lbs) staring back at me. This is now the heaviest I've ever been. Although the increase in my weight has been huge, it weirdly didn't really register with me until 2 things happened; 1. I tried to put on my Adventure Time dress for an event and couldn't get it over my increased knockers and 2. I tried to find a pair of jeans for a costume for a birthday party and failed miserably. It's been a long, long time since my weight has made me cry, but as I sat in the changing room at M&S, looking horrendous in an ill-fitting pair of size 20 jean shorts, I couldn't help it. Just 12 months ago I'd been rocking a size 14-16, depending on where I was shopping, and exuding all sorts of hard earned confidence. In that changing room, I was the exact opposite, and ended up actually bailing out of what was definitely a flippin' brilliant party because of my inability to obtain jeans that didn't make me look gross.

I will say though, that a very weird thing has happened in terms of my looks; whilst being unable to find some jeans had me really upset, my overall outlook on myself and my body has quite vastly changed. I think part of this is due to the fact that my weight has distributed itself differently this time round (I seem to have gained more boob-age and butt meat, and a little less tummy weight than usual) so that, although I am heavier than I've ever been, I look quite different. However, I also think this may be because my weight loss & gain journey has taught me that I am more than just my weight and looks. No-one at work treats me any differently now that I'm 52lbs heavier. My husband doesn't love me any less. I still have great times with my friends. I still write for the Geek Syndicate website and basically, nobody important to me gives two hoots that my dress sizes are now bigger. I've learnt that confidence from within can really change how people see you on the outside, and I'm trying really hard to beef up my self confidence. It's something I've always struggled with, given my penchant for anxiety and mild depression with a side order of paranoia, but as I get older I'm realising that actually, my personality and actions are what count, not my appearance.

I do still want to shift some weight though, more for my health than anything. There's been a noticeable drop in my fitness and stamina, and as mentioned before, I felt healthier this time last year.

I've nabbed some leaflets from work (oh, the benefits of working in a dietetic department!), ordered a free booklet from the British Heart Foundation, and am ready to Do This Thing. (Fingers crossed I can keep some of the extra boob weight though; the girls are looking pretty fantastic! Ha!) Today was my first 'Getting Back on Track' day, and I must say it's been rather successful. Cereal for breakfast, ALL THE SALAD for lunch, vegetable stir fry for dinner, an increase in my water intake, a trip to the gym and a seven minute work out at home. I already feel a little better, even though my legs are basically jelly! Updates soon! In the meantime, does anyone have an healthy recipes to share? Due to getting home a little later after the gym, The Hubby and I managed a less than 450kcal dinner through a Sainsbury's stir fry meal deal. There's a little more salt in pre-prepped stuff like that than I'd like though, so any healthy alternatives would definitely be appreciated.

I know what you're thinking; what's the difference between this post and my last post?

This time, I mean it.

PS. I met Kevin Eastman. It was AMAZING.